Thursday, May 18
well its time to voice out and speak up on wad i feel and such.... i not sure wherther or u noe hu will wan to read it or not i jus wanna say abt it...
i noe u today spited at mi today....i still dun fully understand y u suddenly did tis...but isnt it childish for ya to do tis to mi...its very hurtful to mi and i noe u are very enraged with anger and jus broke off the frendship jus lyk tad....in a instant
but do u realli understand y i did all tis intially or not? do u realli understand mi and wad i tink or not?....i tink maybe not...but i doubt given tad frm wad i see u are always lyk popular in sch and rarely face tis type of problem wif yr frends....but do u ever noe i am always faced wif tis since pri sch to sec sch and even i cant believe its even to ite tis kind of thing happened yet again.....
well u wanted to noe y rite?....den i will explain it frm my extent....ever since march i jus noticed tad u guys suddenly had changed but in a indirect way...den after tad all sorts of nonsensical thing sorta happen...lyk i dunno y u guys jus periodly jus ingored mi for i dunno y aso....den caused mi to tink so much and wondering did i offended dem or wad?....den the gang jus those few onli...den added in 1 more person....it jus went downhill...u guys claimed u didnt ignore mi and such....but u guys didnt noe tad u are doing it in a indirect way and sumtimes u jus suddenly jus dun want to tell mi anything....lyk dunno scared i blow up or wad?...at least say it la....dun make my mind go wandering and see la....all of these started....den comes the attitude thingy....i honestly didnt noe i got attitude problem until jus last week....at first i tot i was totally my fault cos i jus walked off lyk tad or flared up at dem a few times and aso indirectly show my black face to dem...dudden after much tot....i realised since u noe i got attitude y dun tell mi straight in the face and keep reminding mi tad or such....in the end u didnt....den it jus got worse lor...
i jus wanted to avoid the grp cos im getting too many bad vibes frm the grp...and jus wanted to leave frm the grp and take a cooldown period and retink and to resolve all these problems all over to see wherther wad can i do to prevent all tis...in the end jus say i avoid u guys cos i dun wan to be yr frends anymore....hey i NVR MEANT IT TAD WAY LOR.....I REALI NVR....deep down in my heart i still regard u guys as my frends....but its due to certain reasons tad i jus cant bring myself to be it...guess i not prepared to accept it...dudden
u jus keep saying on and on tad i dun treat u guys as my frend...den wad am i supposed to do....u may see the whole week im lyk acting nonchlant and ingorant and stuff....but u guys nvr know im my mind im trying to tink wad to do and stuff....den later on keep saying im keeping to myself.....hello u understand my problem ar?....no rite? sumore is personal problem and is a major 1 lor....it jus tad i do not wan to burden u guys wif my personal problem....tads y im keeping it to myself....den i realli dunno u realli understood my feelings or not....
im veri drepressed frm hm probems already and im trying to resolve it...den the thing jus broke....gone...no chance ler....den wad can i do?...nth?
jus wanna let u noe...whenenver there is a problem wif frends i will jus avoid dem....tads wad i did at sec sch....to prevent more hurt inflicted to mi....u understand my plight meh?....u nvr see the other side of the story and now u are maligning mi for ingoring u....im already very hurt after tad day when u said things to mi altho u tink tad isnt harsh to u....but to mi it realli hurts lor....
till now realli dunno wad u are tinkin rite now tad caused u to react lyk tad....i didnt mean all tis too escalate to tis serious de....i now in a total losss of wad to do lerx....if u wan to continue doing tis to spite mi...den i realli got nth else to say...i jus dun wan to start an agruement lor....if its sum action tad tad i caused to get angry...den i wanna say im sorry....i realli didnt meant it tad way....u jus misunderstood ba....or wad i dunno....but after saying all tis...i dunno y but im realli became veri afraid of u lerx...not angry wif u but...so afraid tad....dunno when u explode will become wad....which today already blew up a bit...but i noe is onli starting....coming days u will not gonna gif mi peace and face 1...i jus noe....but wad u gain frm doing all tis???? i dun understand lor...
another point....i aso noe tad u are giving in lerx....but u shd noe when i in a cooldown period i wunt give in so fast de...u at least gif mi sum more time mah...but u dun wan...den again wad can i do....and aso at tues SW....i NVR meant to purposely nvr tell u guys im not going de....its last minute decide 1....den wad u wan mi to do?...call or sms u guys say i dun wan to go meh?....haiz....the present thingy i aso nvr go blame u all lor...i noe always at mah birthday i dun receive presents de...altho i sort of expecting sumthing 1...dudden say i not bothered wif it...hey im bothered lor...in my back of my mind keep tinkin got any or not...of cos kinda dissapointed tad i dun have any...
i aso noe u guys wanna celebrate my birthday for mi..i actually wanted to go...but suddenly not in the mood cos when u called i was in a very serious conversation wif my mum...and learned tad my family is gonna fall sooner or later...by hu?...my stupid dad of cos....hu caused all tis misery to my mum and we all(mi and my sis)tads i keep saying i hate him...tads 1 reason)...den the next day i noe not onli him the others aso angry cos they cannot go to their beloved K-box and pizza hut...im sorry i cant go lor...u shd noe by now lerx....haiz sad sia... in the end u all aso tink too much frm my perspective sia....and im trying to relax myself already lerx...so y not u guys as well?
but all in all...i hope all tis can be resolved and i am looking forward when we can stop the feud and be frends again....i realli hoping for it....so pls understand...if u dont....den wad else more can i say...
intially i had already said all tis is not words can describe it...altho i put in words...if u can feel it thru...den i might tink u understand it...tho i explained it in a broken way and im not gd at expressing myself ya...can u understand my plight thru it??....if not...den tads is all i can say lerx...im already on the verge of crying while typing all these and rediting it in the process....so pls do understand ya...
superficial ; 3:06 PM
